I came home a bit disgruntled by the sexual stasis in my long-term relationship with probably the kindest, most loving man in the world. We discussed it and, although he was too tactful to admit it, I suspect things have been just as routine for him. Laura liked some of my married sex oeuvre and wanted to connect. The book arrived like the Calvary on Monday. When I opened it I was startled to see what I thought were a bunch of blank pages, but then after deeper perusal, I realized each page was a little envelope that you had to tear out of the book and pry open.
And inside each one of the little envelopes is a sexual task. This also works well for bank heists, just FYI. So, with the permission of my husband, we are going to take you through our nights of great sex, using this book. We are probably not going to go in order, because some tasks require extended planning to execute, so we might bounce around.
But by God we are going to do it! I ripped open my first envelope on Friday night. It was Night No. I bade Henry get in bed. We somehow managed to have two hours of an empty house as our daughters were off hitting softballs why is it everything I write now sounds to my brain like a sexual innuendo? I went into the kitchen and turned the tea kettle on. I dropped one ice cube in the hot tea to help it cool a bit faster then headed for the darkened bedroom where I could just make Henry out, sprawled atop the coverlet like Venus on the Half-Shell.
Will I ever be able to walk again? I had to actually slow things down. Pulling away and taking another sip of the tea. Then I made my way down his now quite alert and engaged body letting some of the hot liquid escape from my mouth as I went. For those of you in my age bracket you might remember the Seinfeld episode in which George Costanza was caught nude after swimming in a cold pool by an attractive woman.
When all was not-said, and well-done I could not BELIEVE how such a simple little trick, one that took almost no effort at all, had such an incendiary effect! By the way, I intend to tell the truth and nothing but the truth about how successful each task turns out to be.