They may feel the weight of pre-defeat, with its accompanying self-protection, and struggle hard to keep their cynicism at bay.
There can only be so many lost dreams before people lose their positive attitudes, even though they know that pessimism is neither intriguing nor sexy. No one can tell another person when to try again, when to retreat, what to change, or how to approach the next opportunity.
There are just too many variables to create a stereotype. You might even be so off balance that you resort to self-destructive escape behaviors. Now you feel powerless to stop what is going on and horrified by the fact that you have to start over. You are understandably reluctant to take another chance, yet you have grown used to the joy of a committed relationship.
As your partner persevered, did you abandon him or her, fearful of premature entrapment, and now you regret the loss of a relationship that might have eventually mattered? Many people repeatedly pick the same kind of partners—even though none of those relationships have worked. Loneliness can mask logical and effective reasoning.
Balancing all the data is not easy. Ask yourself these important questions: What are your available potential options? Have you recovered from your past losses?
Are you willing to realistically look at your marketability? Are you truly open to the possibilities you have? Are you feeling good enough about yourself to go back "on the block? No one is ready to successfully date again unless they have sufficiently healed from their prior heartbreak. Lost relationships must be grieved appropriately but should never doom the hope for a new love. Those who are still in the throes of sorrow need to wait until they can be honestly optimistic again so they can approach the next relationship ready to give it their best.
The following test could help you know if you are ready to take on a new relationship. Answer the questions as honestly as you can. Relationship Readiness Questionnaire Answer the following questions using this scale: You're not ready to date yet. You should probably wait a bit and focus on hanging out with good people who love you. It's time to get back out there. Dating is hard for everyone, especially when there are so many unknowns.
Confidence comes from success, but it can also come from building resilience through continuous honing of your approach. The more you value yourself, understand what you want and can give, and see relationships as the potentially hazardous but mystical adventures they can be, the more effectively you will be able to discern the good from the bad. Stay in a sacred place, maintain your aliveness, and stay open to transformation. Most people are universally attracted to people who are in love with life and who bounce back from loss with renewed commitment and excitement.
That kind of courage and optimism will always be contagious and highly valued on the dating market. My free e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding and keeping romantic love.