Talking about First Time Sex Date posted: They might not be the kind of questions you want to ask your parents or even your friends.
Regardless of who you turn to, separating the myths from the truth is an important way to give you confidence before your first time.
And while your parents might be a wealth of well-intended advice, talking sex with your folks can be understandably… challenging. These days there is a wealth of information to be found online, but even this can be misleading depending on the source. That's probably the biggest fears teenagers have when it comes to sex so it's easy to get carried away. You get the ridiculous ones like getting pregnant just from touching or in swimming pools. Semen is obviously invincible! I remember panicking about ever having sex because the thought of causing a bloody scene like that terrified me..
Sometimes the best way to break the tension is to have a bit of a giggle. How did you feel before your first time? Generally speaking though, a nervous wreck thanks to all the horror stories knocking about around my friends. I didn't know what I was doing and I don't think my sexual partner did either. I assumed that that'd be the last time I'd ever allow anything to go up there!
However, it wasn't, after a few more goes it got better and I felt more relaxed. I was happy to wait until I found the right person. The night it happened I wasn't nervous in the slightest. We'd dated for a few months and were ready. What was there to be nervous about when you felt it was with the right person? There wasn't any reason to be shy or scared, it was totally part of us and who we were. Both of us were ready. But I'd had years of looking things up online and doing my research while worrying about when it would finally happen.
I also knew and trusted my boyfriend completely. So he put me at ease. Between flattering lighting, slow and sensuous music, and apparently immaculately-timed orgasms, this can certainly build up great expectations around sex.
You may feel some discomfort and you might not reach an orgasm the first time. Be honest with your partner: Sex is not about an Oscar-winning performance, but about enjoying and giving pleasure to one another. Do you think first time sex generally lives up to expectations? I think a hell of a lot of pressure is put on first time sex and besides, you don't really know what you're doing when you first have sex so it's normally more of an awkward fumble than anything else! I think the main thing first time sex does is break your comfort zones!
But it depends how you get those expectations. It's best not to have any expectations - just have an open mind. Especially if it's the first time for both of you. Neither of you really have a clue what to do or what to expect so it's pretty likely to be clumsy and awkward.
Sex definitely improves with experience and confidence. Your first time will never be your best time. But as long as you can enjoy it, it might not be the worst! I waited until I was 18, and it met my expectations. I knew it wasn't going to be all fireworks, it was going to be a natural progression of our relationship. It really hit home after having to console a few friends when they ended up feeling a bit used after their first times.
One girl ended up with a really nasty nickname from the boy she slept with and it stuck with her for years. If someone feels like they just want to get it over with, I think it's more likely to be one of those 'meh' situations. But there is one very important, practical thing to think about before you get down to business. Do you know which one of you is bringing protection?
Are you confident in how to put on a condom? Putting on a condom is not difficult, but there are a few cast-iron steps to follow: Never tear the packaging, always pinch the tip and be careful to put it on the right way up.
There is no harm in doing a little research or even a practise-run before the big night. Is there any anything you would have differently in the situation? My first time was with my first boyfriend and we actually still speak now in a platonic way and look back and laugh! There's so many worries going through your head that really aren't important. I think there's so much hype about it that you end up expecting it to be this big thing.
But really you just have to take it easy and have fun. Generally speaking, sex will only get better from here. What piece of advice would you give your younger self now if you could turn the clock back? Everyone has first time sex at different stages and just because your friends are doing it, doesn't necessarily mean that you have to or need to - each to their own - explore at your own pace!
I'd also come fully equipped with lubricant and allow up to 20 minutes of foreplay, as it's incredibly important and saves you from clueless sex pauses between the sheets.
Any other way would have changed me as a person. Perhaps not to feel envious when friends described their first times as this special, magical experience like Jack and Rose from the Titanic it had just been released at the time , and maybe try and stop some of my pals doing it just to 'do it'. You can only have sex for the first time once! As you continue in your sexual relationship, the important thing is to keep an open dialogue going with your partner.
By most accounts, sex will only get better after your first time.