How to beat sexual performance anxiety. Psychotherapy & Clinical Hypnosis..



How to beat sexual performance anxiety

How to beat sexual performance anxiety

For some guys, it will be a short phase, maybe it happens a few times and then as he gets his confidence back, and for others it can be a crippling cycle of shame, worry and completely avoiding sex. A study in found that about one third of men experienced erectile dysfunction at least once a year. A third year college student, relatively sporty and plays guitar in his free time.

Up till now, Simon has had two serious girlfriends and a handful of one-night stands. One night at the campus bar, Simon meets Amanda. But somehow he says the right things at the right things at the right time. And it turns out they have a lot of the same friends in common. They toss flirty comments back and forth. Could you walk me home? But as they start kissing and undressing, thoughts start to creep into the back of his head. This girl is so hot. What if she thinks my penis is small?

She knows some of my friends — what if she tells them about how I am in bed? Amanda pulls off his pants and puts her hand on his boxers. She looks up at him. Did I drink too much? Simon feels like he could die of embarrassment. He lays there in her bed for a while, silent, thinking, wishing his body would start working again like it usually does.

An hour later, mentally defeated, Simon says he has to go. He gets dressed quickly and says goodnight. Over the next few weeks, Simon thinks about what happened and replays it in his mind.

He passes Amanda on the way to his classes and she politely smiles at him. He tries to avoid her. The next week, Simon is out with some friends and has a few drinks.

She says she really wants to have sex with him, and they try a few times over the next few hours unsuccessfully. Simon goes into a minor depression and replays the three nights over and over again in his head. For the next month, he avoids any potential sexual encounters. The Internet is Full of Bad Advice about Anxiety If you read online articles on how to deal with sexual performance anxiety, you inevitably come across advice like this: What do you think about?

Causes of Performance Anxiety Performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction have always been things that some young men have had to deal with. There are many insecurities and questions that can occupy the mind about sex: But recent times have seen a dramatic increase in cases of performance anxiety related ED.

Just ask any practicing GP, or look at the earning statements of companies like Pfizer. So why has this number been increasing so much in recent years?

We are subtly socialized by porn without noticing it. Think about all the unreasonable expectations that watching porn promotes indirectly. Are all of these beliefs true? In reality, most women do not enjoy a huge penis hitting their cervix — it can be quite painful in fact. Also, the men in porn have been selected because they are in a small minority of men who have a larger than average penis. Real penises come in all shapes and sizes.

Many of these porn actors spend in incredible amount of time in the gym. In reality, the average American has sex for much less than 10 minutes. While there are some women who can have orgasms from intercourse alone, they are few and far between. I know, I was shocked when I found out too. The fact is, women having orgasms, real or fake, is a selling point for porn. Porn actors and actresses are just that: They act and exaggerate; the directors use cuts and different angles; all to make their product more appealing and ideal, and thus farther from reality.

But when we dwell on these thoughts too much, it can become problematic. This stress and anxiety effectively makes it more difficult for blood to flow into the penis.

Your body needs to be relaxed in order to get an erection. How can I get rid of performance anxiety? Here are some strategies that can help you overcome your performance anxiety. Exercise In addition to being known to lower general levels of stress, exercise is also a keystone habit. Which means that not only is it great for you, but it helps strengthen your willpower to make other positive changes in your life.

Consider taking up a new hobby or class to take you out of your comfort zone and get your mind out of that negative thought loop. Stop using pornography As mentioned above, many of our skewed beliefs and expectations about sex come from watching porn. After a prolonged period without PMO no porn, masturbation and orgasm for a few weeks to a few months , many guys notice an increase in penis sensitivity, the strength of their erections and higher confidence.

Some of the better programs will even take you through a visualization that will help to build confidence in bed. This is one of the most important things that helped me overcome sexual anxiety. Often times, performance anxiety can be related to social anxiety. If you work to move out of your comfort zone socially by taking small, consistent steps doing things that are somewhat uncomfortable, you could see results carry over into the bedroom.

Having worked with many guys to help them overcome performance anxiety, I can say that this is along with guided relaxation is one of the most helpful things you can do to overcome this. Changing your beliefs Some of the beliefs about sex that we hold are not helpful for mindset in the bedroom. It can be very helpful to look at sex as non-goal oriented, and more of a fun and connecting experience.

Click here to subscribe to my mailing list Get enough sleep Your body needs a certain amount of sleep to function optimally. Without it, you are putting unnecessary stress on yourself and increasing your susceptibility to anxiety. The specific amount of sleep you need varies from person to person, but in general you should aim for around 8 hours. Cut down on caffeine Many worrying types find that they are much more sensitive to caffeine than other people seem to be.

A good friend of mine has told me that he feels his general anxiety level rise if he drinks too much coffee. Cut back on alcohol While alcohol can seem to decrease tension and relax your body in the moment, too much of it can also lead to weakened erections.

Also, many guys that are anxiety-prone notice that the day after drinking corresponds to an increase in general anxiety. Your body is your temple, and if look after it, it will be there when you need it. Learn how to please a woman without your penis There are plenty of great books and videos out there that can teach you how to please a woman with your fingers and tongue.

Learning these techniques can give you a boost of confidence in the bedroom. One option to help with performance anxiety is to temporarily use Viagra, Cialis or another similar prescription drug. One strong caution I have is that you should not use these pills for a long period of time. If used for a long period of time, they can become a crutch and lead to dependence.

If you go this route, here is some advice: You want to start with a low dose say, half a pill and gradually wean yourself off each time. It can help to have someone to talk to about your problems with. A licensed sex therapist can help you work through these issues with your partner. He takes responsibility for his situation and decides he wants to be in control of his life.

He cuts out caffeine, cuts down on alcohol, and commits to getting 8 hours of sleep a night. He stops watching porn and starts focusing on meeting new people in his free time. He uses a guided imagery relaxation program to train his body to relax and instead of going for one-night stands, he commits to finding a girlfriend that he can trust. His friends comment that he seems more energetic, confident and relaxed.

He has an active social life and he even meets a great girl he likes and goes on a few dates. He also gets a prescription for Viagra just in case, but finds that he never has to use the pills. Simon has got his mojo back. What has helped you? Let us know in the comments!

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Overcoming sexual performance anxiety



How to beat sexual performance anxiety

For some guys, it will be a short phase, maybe it happens a few times and then as he gets his confidence back, and for others it can be a crippling cycle of shame, worry and completely avoiding sex. A study in found that about one third of men experienced erectile dysfunction at least once a year. A third year college student, relatively sporty and plays guitar in his free time.

Up till now, Simon has had two serious girlfriends and a handful of one-night stands. One night at the campus bar, Simon meets Amanda. But somehow he says the right things at the right things at the right time.

And it turns out they have a lot of the same friends in common. They toss flirty comments back and forth. Could you walk me home?

But as they start kissing and undressing, thoughts start to creep into the back of his head. This girl is so hot. What if she thinks my penis is small? She knows some of my friends — what if she tells them about how I am in bed? Amanda pulls off his pants and puts her hand on his boxers. She looks up at him. Did I drink too much? Simon feels like he could die of embarrassment.

He lays there in her bed for a while, silent, thinking, wishing his body would start working again like it usually does. An hour later, mentally defeated, Simon says he has to go. He gets dressed quickly and says goodnight. Over the next few weeks, Simon thinks about what happened and replays it in his mind. He passes Amanda on the way to his classes and she politely smiles at him.

He tries to avoid her. The next week, Simon is out with some friends and has a few drinks. She says she really wants to have sex with him, and they try a few times over the next few hours unsuccessfully. Simon goes into a minor depression and replays the three nights over and over again in his head.

For the next month, he avoids any potential sexual encounters. The Internet is Full of Bad Advice about Anxiety If you read online articles on how to deal with sexual performance anxiety, you inevitably come across advice like this: What do you think about? Causes of Performance Anxiety Performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction have always been things that some young men have had to deal with.

There are many insecurities and questions that can occupy the mind about sex: But recent times have seen a dramatic increase in cases of performance anxiety related ED. Just ask any practicing GP, or look at the earning statements of companies like Pfizer. So why has this number been increasing so much in recent years? We are subtly socialized by porn without noticing it.

Think about all the unreasonable expectations that watching porn promotes indirectly. Are all of these beliefs true? In reality, most women do not enjoy a huge penis hitting their cervix — it can be quite painful in fact.

Also, the men in porn have been selected because they are in a small minority of men who have a larger than average penis. Real penises come in all shapes and sizes. Many of these porn actors spend in incredible amount of time in the gym. In reality, the average American has sex for much less than 10 minutes.

While there are some women who can have orgasms from intercourse alone, they are few and far between. I know, I was shocked when I found out too.

The fact is, women having orgasms, real or fake, is a selling point for porn. Porn actors and actresses are just that: They act and exaggerate; the directors use cuts and different angles; all to make their product more appealing and ideal, and thus farther from reality.

But when we dwell on these thoughts too much, it can become problematic. This stress and anxiety effectively makes it more difficult for blood to flow into the penis. Your body needs to be relaxed in order to get an erection. How can I get rid of performance anxiety? Here are some strategies that can help you overcome your performance anxiety. Exercise In addition to being known to lower general levels of stress, exercise is also a keystone habit.

Which means that not only is it great for you, but it helps strengthen your willpower to make other positive changes in your life. Consider taking up a new hobby or class to take you out of your comfort zone and get your mind out of that negative thought loop. Stop using pornography As mentioned above, many of our skewed beliefs and expectations about sex come from watching porn.

After a prolonged period without PMO no porn, masturbation and orgasm for a few weeks to a few months , many guys notice an increase in penis sensitivity, the strength of their erections and higher confidence.

Some of the better programs will even take you through a visualization that will help to build confidence in bed. This is one of the most important things that helped me overcome sexual anxiety. Often times, performance anxiety can be related to social anxiety. If you work to move out of your comfort zone socially by taking small, consistent steps doing things that are somewhat uncomfortable, you could see results carry over into the bedroom.

Having worked with many guys to help them overcome performance anxiety, I can say that this is along with guided relaxation is one of the most helpful things you can do to overcome this. Changing your beliefs Some of the beliefs about sex that we hold are not helpful for mindset in the bedroom. It can be very helpful to look at sex as non-goal oriented, and more of a fun and connecting experience.

Click here to subscribe to my mailing list Get enough sleep Your body needs a certain amount of sleep to function optimally. Without it, you are putting unnecessary stress on yourself and increasing your susceptibility to anxiety. The specific amount of sleep you need varies from person to person, but in general you should aim for around 8 hours.

Cut down on caffeine Many worrying types find that they are much more sensitive to caffeine than other people seem to be. A good friend of mine has told me that he feels his general anxiety level rise if he drinks too much coffee. Cut back on alcohol While alcohol can seem to decrease tension and relax your body in the moment, too much of it can also lead to weakened erections.

Also, many guys that are anxiety-prone notice that the day after drinking corresponds to an increase in general anxiety. Your body is your temple, and if look after it, it will be there when you need it. Learn how to please a woman without your penis There are plenty of great books and videos out there that can teach you how to please a woman with your fingers and tongue.

Learning these techniques can give you a boost of confidence in the bedroom. One option to help with performance anxiety is to temporarily use Viagra, Cialis or another similar prescription drug. One strong caution I have is that you should not use these pills for a long period of time. If used for a long period of time, they can become a crutch and lead to dependence. If you go this route, here is some advice: You want to start with a low dose say, half a pill and gradually wean yourself off each time.

It can help to have someone to talk to about your problems with. A licensed sex therapist can help you work through these issues with your partner. He takes responsibility for his situation and decides he wants to be in control of his life.

He cuts out caffeine, cuts down on alcohol, and commits to getting 8 hours of sleep a night. He stops watching porn and starts focusing on meeting new people in his free time. He uses a guided imagery relaxation program to train his body to relax and instead of going for one-night stands, he commits to finding a girlfriend that he can trust. His friends comment that he seems more energetic, confident and relaxed. He has an active social life and he even meets a great girl he likes and goes on a few dates.

He also gets a prescription for Viagra just in case, but finds that he never has to use the pills. Simon has got his mojo back. What has helped you?

Let us know in the comments!

How to beat sexual performance anxiety

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