Comments I used to think marriage was forever. I know people get divorced. I assumed getting married meant you chose a person and committed to building a life with them.
But maybe, just maybe, not every problem can be fixed. Not being a quitter, I figured there were fixers for anything, Olivia Pope-style. Don't let big tech control what news you see. Get more stories like this in your inbox, every day. My marriage was sexless. Which is not to say we never had sex. According to the Internet that super-trustworthy Bible , a marriage is considered to be sexless if the couple has sex 10 times or fewer per year.
Before we got married, we had sex a bunch. All the good things become extra great, magical, amazing. Marriage is for the long haul. For good or bad or in-between. I knew I was in trouble when I heard this description of marriage, agreed with it, and said, Yeah, and sometimes all you can hear are the bad things. They start to eclipse all the good things. He hated the term "sexless marriage" and said I should stop Googling. As a pretty laid-back person, it was horrific being accused of putting pressure on someone.
Having it or not having it: I felt like shit about myself either way. Looking back, I think our sex drives were just very different, and there was seemingly no middle ground. I felt closed for business. And that was super depressing.
But it was the tipping point. I was having some major health issues when my sex life blew up. And the person who ended up being there for me was an ex. He never judged me and always supported me. And the sex with my ex was, and is, incredible. Was I still married at the time? Were my pajamas really so unattractive that no man would want to sleep with me?
Being with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you destroys your self-esteem and makes you feel like everything is your fault. The people I still call friends now understood how miserable I was, how hard I tried, and how heartbroken I was to finally give up. What you most need in a partner is someone willing to discuss any issues you might have and try to work them out without assigning blame.
The ex who supported me is no longer my ex but my current boyfriend. And he loves sex.