What really turns women on? The answer to that question has been the subject of countless books and articles offering strategies and seduction techniques on how to bed a woman — and keep her coming back for more. However, I am going to let you in on a little secret. There is no secret. If you want a woman to crave sex with you, you just need become an amazing lover.
Women love incredible sex just as much as men do. Of course, you should respect the fact that some women may just not want to have sex with you — ever. But sexual dysfunction and psychological issues notwithstanding, if a woman is less than enthusiastic about having sex with you more than once, there is a good chance that your bedroom skills could use a little fine-tuning. Yes, you read that right: Many of the tips in this article come from my good friend, Seattle-based board-certified sex therapist Dr.
It can take a little bit of time and patience, but the payoff will be so worth it. Pay Attention First things first: Desire starts in the mind. We love the dream of a white knight who will sweep us off our feet in a whirlwind of romance. So pay attention to us — in and out of the bedroom. Look us in the eyes and really listen when we share our thoughts, feelings, desires, or just tell you about our day. In fact, when touched, our bodies release their very own cuddle chemical: Women take longer than men do to warm up.
Sex, for us, begins long before the clothes come off. So caress, fondle, stroke, and embrace us to get that oxytocin flowing. Oral sex — when performed skillfully — can be a surefire route to ecstasy for lots of us. Only about a quarter of the clitoris is visible outside the body.
There is an internal female erectile network, all comprised of erectile tissue. Next, spread her vaginal lips using your fingertips to expose her clitoris. Explore the sensitive folds of skin. When she arches her back or moans, slide a finger or two inside her here you can use a small amount of lube, if necessary.
Play with her a bit; then extend your tongue to meet her clitoris — darting it in and out. Throw in some longer, flatter strokes over the length of her vulva, as if you were licking an ice cream cone.
Blow lightly across the focus of your attention. Tell her how good she tastes, how much you like licking her. Draw her clitoris gently between your lips and flick it or massage it with your tongue. Rest your chin on your fist, with your pinkie down, and use a finger to put pressure on the bottom of the opening of her vagina to heighten the sensation. What you're after is a combination of rhythm and intrigue: She can't guess what's, um, coming next — but once it does, she won't want you to stop!
But when this erogenous zone is aroused, it hardens, gets rougher, and doubles in size, making it easier to locate. You can stimulate her G-spot by inserting a lubricated finger or two and gently stroking it or with your penis during rear-entry intercourse. Another good position is to get her on top of you and have her lean back slightly, sliding up and down with slow, steady strokes.
Or slide your fingers inside her during oral sex to stimulate both her G-spot and clitoris for a mind-blowing orgasm. Listen to her vocalizations because there may be a pattern — and you can match your movements to that rhythm. Rather than the old in-and-out, try rotating your hips: Try Some Toys Sex toys are fun! They add excitement and variety, expanding your sexual repertoire.
Plus, they can be great erotic tools that help get her orgasm while taking some of the pressure off your own performance. Use a vibrator to stimulate her, or hold, caress, and watch her as she uses it on herself. Relax, keep your sense of humor, and enjoy the results. Don't try to do it perfectly, just do it! Remember, erotic toys are a way for grown-ups to play. Using props adds extra zing to sex, and also deepens the sense of trust and intimacy between lovers. Amplifying the experience with a few toys can make all the difference in taking things to the next level.
Whether you're looking to start out small with a lube or finger vibrator, or want to get in on the fun with a toy built with both partner's pleasure in mind, there are no shortage of things you can buy and play with to make things feel even more intense.
Ready to start shopping? Here are a few toys to consider that will make her horny for more. A woman's clit is the most sensitive part on her body, and adding lube to the motion of the ocean is only going to help your quest for getting her off.
It's safe to use with toys as well. It does take a few minutes for this lube to take effect, so if it's not working instantly, give it minutes before applying more to make sure she's comfortable with the level of sensitivity. Your end goal is to get her off — but that doesn't mean you can't invest in a toy that has benefits for the both of you.
This couple's vibrator can actually be worn during P in the V intercourse. It fits right under your partner's labia the inner and outer folds of the vulva , providing you both with pleasurable vibrations during the act that you can change and adjust with a corresponding app on your phone for a truly hands free experience.
It also stays in place, so that you and your partner can switch positions without having to readjust. Some of the best, most effective sex toys come in small packages — and this portable finger clit vibrator is a prime example. Not only is it waterproof and discreet which means you can use it wherever and whenever the mood strikes , but it's the perfect vibration setting for pushing her over the edge. It's multi-speed, which allows you to experiment with which type of vibration your partner prefers, and it even comes with batteries.
This vibrator makes it feel like your vagina is being given butterfly kisses. Created by sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk , the reason why this toy so effective lies in its super slim silicone layers, which vibrate ever so lightly when the toy is turned on. There are ten different vibration settings to choose from, so chances are there's a frequency that your partner will dig. It's also rechargeable, and the bullet vibrator that makes the toy operate is detachable, allowing you to use it solo as well.
Add Some Spice The key to an exciting sex life is novelty: We all crave new and different experiences. Be spontaneous and try a quickie. Talk about your fantasies. Divide 10 index cards between the two of you and each write down five sexual fantasies. Put them into three piles: Identify what you want your relationship to look like, then list the actions you can take to get there, such as having dinner out once a week, sex on the calendar, or playing tennis or golf together.
In other words, she may heat up once things get started. It almost feels a little naughty. Combine it with a sexy touch and it is nearly irresistible.
While running your hand up her thigh, whisper in her ear how much you would enjoy licking her. Lick her earlobe and start kissing her neck and all those other sensitive spots that rarely get touched. Most women take time to warm up.
Show your alpha male side: Just as you are likely most attracted to women who have a sense of style, are in shape and are well groomed, women find men with the same qualities most desirable and sexually attractive. Confidence is king when it comes to attracting and seducing women.
Women notice, are intrigued by, and want to be near a confident man. Men who are absolutely clear about who they are and what they want — and then take actions to achieve results — are perceived as being confident. Get passionate about your life: Passionate people are exciting. There is something electric about them. If you are turned on about your life, women will be turned on by you and want to get close, to be part of the passion and excitement.
Be protective — and capable of protecting her: Do you need help? Would you like me to walk you to your car? Men that demonstrate good manners stand out.
Good manners are nearly a lost art. And trust me on this women notice and are much more impressed by and attracted to men with good manners. Carry that through to the bedroom by creating a romantic environment at home. Candles and mood lighting, red wine and chocolate, some sultry music, and a massage all go a long way to fueling romance.
And consider learning how to dance. There is something very sexy and sensual about men that know how to move well, take control, and lead a woman around the dance floor.