I consider myself a good communicator and verbalized as much to him throughout the years. I would see a change in the short term, but he would always revert back to how it was before. Last May, I had a health scare. I kept it to myself for two weeks and then realized I had to tell someone. I had felt a lump in my groin and I was scared. I decided I would tell my husband. Later that evening, upon arriving home, he rushed the kids off to bed.
I thought to myself that he must be really concerned. I got my pajamas on and crawled into bed next to him. The next day he asked me what was wrong. I was encouraged to put it behind us, but I was am still am scarred. I did my best to move forward and keep the ship sailing. Approximately six-seven months later, on a night in December, my husband wanted to have sex. I told him repeatedly how bad his breath was.
He never got up to brush his teeth or gargle, which I thought any caring husband would have done. To be a smart ass, I put a pillow over my face, to prove a point. I thought what kind of person, in his right mind, would continue. Until he was done. I have been to therapy as a result.
I feel as though something is wrong with me that will not allow me to get over the events and these are just the two biggest that stick out in my mind that have transgressed. Therapy has made me stronger, but I am still in the same place. Stuck in a relationship where I do not feel the love that I need to be fulfilled, but not strong enough to do anything about it.
Do you have any advice? The cancer scare reaction was truly strange. I can guess that he assumed you would tell him about the lump in detail if you wanted to, and, in a best case scenario, he was unable to deal with the pain or anxiety of discussing it, so he ignored it entirely.
Does your husband have friends? Can he connect with others without you as go-between? He is cold and unable to react in a normative way when a loved one is distressed. You likely put your head in the sand about his lack of ability to interact emotionally, because you wanted to raise your kids with him and have a happy family. It does not sound to me that this marriage has any future without counseling.
It remains to be seen whether your husband has any capacity for understanding that what he did was unempathic at best and cruel at worst. Good on you for getting to therapy though, and I hope that it helps you. Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional.
If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person Facebook Comments.