How to deal with your feelings when you find out that your partner or spouse is bisexual Category: Elly Prior First published: Suddenly your world has been turned upside down and you may feel barely able to function. I want to be upfront here, so there's no question about my own beliefs. For me, everyone is equal. And equality has to be a given - not a right somehow granted or earned!
I've written this article to help you and your partner understand your feelings and the likely process of your emotions. And ultimately, to help you figure out how you can both move forward again. If by any chance you're wondering if your partner, wife or husband is bisexual, then hop over to my article on what it means to be 'bisexual'. If you know for sure, let's take a look at how you might be feeling since you found out that your partner is bisexual or gay, lesbian or transsexual for that matter.
I want to be upfront with you - I may earn a commission from the referral. You pay the same fee, regardless! Finding out you partner or spouse is bisexual The discovery is likely to have come as a great shock to you. Here are some very common reactions to shock in general: You may feel the relationship as you knew it has gone forever. Under the circumstances, it's very normal if you It's hard not to want your partner to tell you it was all a mistake, not true But your partner could How are you trying to cope?
Here's what's happens to many people in your situation, so don't be surprised if you are: For once, somebody acknowledges how hard it is, to be the one on the other end of things. I do want to support my husband, I just wish he was more willing or able to support me. Thank you so much for your article!! The person you got together with, and perhaps married, no longer 'exists'. That's a lot of feelings of loss! You probably feel pretty alone right now too.
Loss automatically comes with mourning, which can be pretty hard to cope with. Here are some common reactions It's totally understandable, therefore, that you're initially in denial. Why wouldn't you be? And who wouldn't be? Anger One moment you can't believe it's true and you're unable to accept what's happened - and the next, you feel crazy with anger and resentment.
How could they do this to you?! Depression You're deeply sad, you feel empty, and like your heart's been ripped out. It feels like someone has died and there's a big black cloud hanging over you. You just want to stay in bed, pull the duvet over you and not wake up.
But don't worry, you're not mentally ill! This is a normal reaction and the last thing you would want to do now is to complicate it by taking antidepressants! You will recover from this phase - I know you can do it. You may not be ready to hear this right now, but further on in your journey you'll discover there is always something to be gained from any situation however difficult that you find yourself in.
Know what you have gained! For someone to be finally free to be themselves is a massive gift. You have every chance of building a better relationship than you've ever had before with a partner who doesn't have to hide part of themselves anymore. They can love you fully and authentically! You just have to wait for this initial phase to pass - however difficult it feels right now. And it will pass - I promise you. Try to be kind to yourselves - both, you and your partner. Accept your own feelings, and your partner's feelings Most of all - please believe me, when I say that now is really not the time to make any meaningful and sensible decisions.
It's all too raw, too much of a shock, and your brain is still in flux. Allow some time for everything to settle before you start trying to piece your way forward again. Your partner's journey It's really understandable if all you want to do is to scream and shout at your partner.
However, try to remember that he or she will have been on a really difficult journey. I can almost hear you say: However - when you're ready - you'll find the following list helpful in coming to terms with the changing landscape of your relationship. Both partners admit to having liked being with someone of the opposite sex as well. They may have experimented before the two of you got together.
You may suspect that they have already had an affair though - I have no doubt that in your situation it feels like a double betrayal See link further down: Surviving Infidelity Take stock!
As with every relationship at some point - there were bound to have been some 'niggles' before recent revelations. Now is the perfect time to do something about it. Try to understand each other. It matters not so much whether you can or cannot understand, but that you accept your partner's thoughts and beliefs as their own, and valid to them.
Take it from me, you won't be able to change each other, but you can help each other to feel more hopeful of a meaningful future. Let them talk, and don't interrupt other than to check that you've understood what's been said.
Good listening will help you both process feelings and thoughts faster. Ask for the same in return. Accept and take into consideration that you're both on a different time scale. You have just found out, you're barely coping - you have a long journey ahead of you. Unrealistic for sure, but how were they to know? But I would like you both to see a marriage therapist or relationship counsellor to help you understand each other's feelings and overcome your difficulties together.
Acceptance also means being able to move on - allowing each other to start anew with dignity. He is gay, but his message applies to us all. I think it will help you to put what is happening in your relationship in a greater context, so that you're perhaps not so shocked and frightened anymore if indeed you were! Please, rate this article I really hope this article is of help to you. Thank you so much in anticipation.