The last ER visit determined. He works until 6: Kat Sunday at 6: Your situation sounds exactly like mine its so scary I have a 7yr old daughter and hsb pacifies her with candy,junk food,soda,etc. Now that I have had him removed from our house 4 the 3rd and last time tried deal at first and he suggested counseling so we went to two sessions he blows smoke up the counselors you know what and she noticed and sd to me later he blames you for everything even though I ws humble!
At the instant I knw it was time to brake all communication counseling and all get my daughter and myself in counseling so I can heal our relationship…. I just explain to her we are leaving daddy alone right now,she is so confused but very sweet about not contacting him. I feel like Im not going to put you out and let you still emotionally,verbally abuse me at a distance this is defeating the purpose! I love him dearly and he loves me and I believe he is tired of me becuz now that he is out he is free and it will get worse,so sometimes I feel guilty becuz at least at home he was not going out, back at the bars,and limiting himself to his enabling friends.
He has always worked and had a good job and we would have nice cars,houses,etc. So he will admit and say I have some issues but so do you,etc. I pray he falls so hopeless with despair and hs no choice but to find Jesus and get saved and one day come home! The other times I put him out he called all the time confessing his love willing to do anything just wanted to come home. This time he sd Im not coming back to you the way you are and we nd counseling so he is acting different and doesnt show me he really misses us like before,so I have heard so many stories about the wife praying for hsb and he has come around takes time.
I am praying for your marriage and wish you many blessings!!!!!! Shaz, your post inparticular really helped me…your advice to put your heart aside for a while and use your head, I think, is essential to do. He is a functioning alcoholic…gets up and goes to work everyday, pays the bills and although inconsistent, tries hard to be a good father.
BUT our relationship has become so disfunctional. That same person who is cold, empty, nasty, antagonistic… Regardless of where my thoughts take me, given my situation, it always always comes back to the plain fact.. He will not change, I can not change him, I am not responsible for him, I do not want this for my life or for my son. So there is no other option for me but to leave the relationship. Hey if anyone wants to share their story, I would most welcome it….
I really feel it might be helpful for me to be able to do that. Wishing you all the very best! Tania x Wednesday at 2: Still waiting for my house sale to go thru, hopefully soon. He said yesterday that he was going to have a break from drinking, straight away my mind is saying that is good. Things might come good and that silly person who wants to believe that there is no problem comes back.
But she doesnt stay long anymore, I say to myself, self what the hell do you think after 14 years it could be that easy, if it was so easy he would have changed before. My husband just disappeared somewhere, I am leaving soon but he left me months ago, sitting downstairs with his beer and Austar, not helping me pay bills, clean the house and pool, care for the kids, main tain the house, love me or take me on a holiday..
What will I miss when I go, his cuddles of a night time, the sex we used to have, that stopped because I moved upstairs away from his abuse verbally, the few moments that are there of normality, hey you know what not much! It has been one hard long battle that has progressed, he hasnt spoken to my son for years, treated him terribly when he was a little boy. Husband has always put himself first, arrogant like you said Kat, a narcissist very selfish and he thinks he is never wrong.
I have lost a lot of trust too, unfortunately because all the promises are bull shit, so you get to the point, you feel what is the point of trusting them when they dont follow through with things. Just to finish, a letter came on friday arvo from a teenage girl who said he was her father, it was the year before I met him. He tore it up denied the whole thing and put it in the bin. I dont know what to believe, I am glad I am splitting up our money and property, I really believe th past comes back to bite people, how can you believe anything they have to say when they are only in their mind half the time.
Love to chat more tania and kat shaz Thursday at 3: The last two days he was really down and grumpy. I knew he cant go without a drink, he asked would i pick him up from the club bar and after a few hours there he is a different person.
He is more chatty, a little happier still complaining that I dont show him any love because I had switch off to save my sanity. It comes down to them or me, crazy hey, as I drive through the bottle shop on the way home from the club and he buys three more big bottles of beer I look at him and it is so sad, on the outside he is still the man I married, except for the red face and huge beer belly.
It has been so hard to get myself to this point of leaving, I know if I dont go this will kill both of us, and that ultimately stuffs my kids too.
If I stay I am caught in the madness of caring for him and watching him progress and put up with his eratic moods and nasty comments. The other alternative which I wish I had done years ago was to leave, I am ready to go. It is just the house sale that I hold out for and then I am gone.
I honestly believed for 14 years that he was going to stop and some miracle was going to happen and I was going to have this dream life, that I have always hoped for in my head. It cant happen and wont happen while I stay with someone who is controlled by a bottle of alcohol. Neill said even if they stopped, they have to change their thinking which is a huge thing to do. Change your life, change your friends, my husband manages a club bar he is caught in a lifestyle that will kill him if he doesnt stop.
This web site opened my eyes, I thought I was the only one caught in such a horrible situation that no one could ever give me the answer. How do you leave someone who you love more than anything else in the world….
My eyes are full of tears, because it hurts so much and I have cried heaps of nights, but the best thing is when I read back over these comments I have written and see how muc h I have grown.
Love to all Thursday at 8: My husband is an alcoholic with some bi-polar illness. He tries to work hard but gets disheartend with petty issues and starts drinking. He bangs his car almost everyday, he creates a scene almost in all markets, and I have no social life all thanks to him. His family does not support me and I am not qualified enough to pick up a job.
In the big picture of things, you task is to decide what you want, and then take action. The universe will show you how as you go along. B last year and refused to take his medication for the nurse, he wanted me there. There was a danger my 3 yr old grandaughter was infected,and after alot of painful tests,thank God ,she is O.
I dont like the person i have become, im angry ,resentful, depressed, pitiful,. Have isolated my-self ,will not go out. Gave up work as a carer because i could not take the stress living with him. I feel i am the abuser now , i insult him if i talk to him on the phone, he says outrageous things , blames me for things that hes doing.
Why do i find it so hard to move on when i cant bear to be in the same room as him for 5 mins. I really thing im gone crazy from living with him. Why cant alcoholics that are brain dead ,and a liability to themselves and others be locked up. It reinforces that I am not crazy as my husband would say that I am because he has no problem with drinking but rather I have the problem.
I have known him half my life. We have been in a relationship for twelve years but I have know him for twenty. He used to be my best friend. He will never quit drinking. If were lucky he passes out right after walking through the door rather than interacting with me and his daughter. He is obnoxious and stupid. Actually he remembers enough to say that I am being oversensitive and exagerating about his drinking. I pay the bills. I would be fine by myself but I do love him.
I hope I can keep my resolve! Diane Saturday at Alcohol has won out over the other 2 addictions thru the years and alcohol has won out over me. Unlike many who have written, I have always had a great job and my husband is not physically abusive. I learned the hard way to never let my guard down. I could tell so many stories they would fill a book and they would be very similar to the stories written on this Website. Today my husband is retired, I still work, and if he has access to money, he will buy a bottle of vodka.
I always feel like his jailer. It would be nice to one day not wait for the other foot to fall. It would be nice to let him have money and use it responsibly.
Without me watching over him, he would drink and drive even more than he does and possibly kill someone. The first DUI and a year after we were married, I thought we were lucky because he said he ran into a tree.
When we went to look at the vehicle the husband and father of the woman driving with her mother in the other car were there too. He also went to a rehab center. He was a model patient and a great help to other alcholics while in rehab.
When I went to rehab family day, many patients came up to me and told me what an awesome, great, helpful, caring man my husband was. I whole-heartedly agreed — when he is sober. The problem is he can be sober for long periods of time, even up to 4 years.
Then, I let my guard down. For no reason that I can see, he would start his drinking again.