My sex and dating life is pretty shit. But we need to talk about it. And maybe, just admitting that an oral sex gender gap exists will get us to start changing things. Oh, and just think about how much happier the world would be if there were more orgasms. Fixing this one thing could make everything else a little bit better.
This is an issue that young women are dealing with everywhere. And lesbians are having loads of wonderful oral sex all round. A mini, very informal, poll of a few of my London-based friends revealed the same kind of thing. Those in heterosexual relationships told me they went down much more frequently than their boyfriends went down on them.
Advertisement The excuses for not going down are wide-ranging. And this is ridiculous, because these same guys fully expect enthusiastic, energetic, mindblowing blow jobs on a regular basis.
Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro. Men who refuse to regularly go down on women, but expect blow jobs — your excuses are bullshit. Okay, so your neck is a bit sore. Stick a pillow down there to rest us on. We have to put up with the ache of moving our heads back and forth while kneeling or bending over, keeping a rhythm, and using our hands, all while trying to breathe. As sexual philosopher Samantha Jones once declared: Men expect women to do that.
I think a lot of it has to do with the way we talked about sex when we were all growing up. For some reason ingrained sexism and the objectification of women, I reckon , men were seen as weak if they gave a woman pleasure rather than using women for theirs.
Blow jobs, whether implied by a woman slowly kneeling down before a male actor, or actual visuals of a bobbing head, were and remain commonplace in films and on TV. Seeing a man giving oral to women on screen feels like a rarity.
I still remember being surprised when Simon dipped beneath the covers as Alisha sat back and enjoyed in an episode of Misfits. Magazines shouted about blow jobs tips that would blow his mind, but stayed eerily silent on clit-licking techniques. Those ideas carry through today. In my group of friends, a blow job is something that would be likely to happen the first time you get sexual with someone — either as a precursor to sex or on its own.
In relationships, the precedent is set, excuses are accepted, and blow jobs are regularly given. Which is a real issue. The oral sex gender gap has other worrying effects on our sex lives. Getty Sure, they never said anything. But I began to wonder: Did it taste bad? Was I doing something wrong? Was I horribly unattractive?