Getting me to talk about sex is, in a word, difficult. The awkwardness was entirely mine. Somehow maybe social conditioning? And like I deserve pleasure? I found an easy segue into talking about sex more was to start talking about it openly immediately after sex. Long car ride conversations. Other good forums for tough issues that require depth and time? Basically any time you are alone together and relaxed. Include the parts of sex you like. One thing I would say is essential is being willing to talk about fantasies with each other.
My husband and I started out really honest before we ever got married. He was into bondage and eased me into it. Talk about one thing at a time: That meant he would gets overwhelmed as I peppered him with questions. So I learned to break it down to one thing I want to know.
Makes a fun game in the car as well. Name one part of your body you like to be touched? Name one thing you wished I touched more often? Name one sex position we do now that you like best? Or, make a list, check it twice: I learned a lot about how to talk about sex from the BDSM community.
I think having really clear, explicit, honest communications about BDSM activities helped me to be able to communicate clearly and explicitly what I enjoy and would like to do more of in my pretty vanilla sex life.
Listen to other people talk about sex: Listening to other people talk about sex really helps take away that taboo feeling. We had a conversation about what we each thought being monogamous meant because of a podcast I listened to, and it was a really awesome to really talk about our boundaries and what we thought being a couple meant. It makes me happy to know that we are monogamous because we chose it and not by default.
Two podcasts I recommend are Sex Nerd Sandra and Sex Is Fun which sadly is not updating anymore, but you can still check out their archives. Sex Is Fun also has a website that sells some pretty cool sex games, and has an illustrated comic-style book also titled Sex Is Fun. Even if watching things is off the table, reading together might not be. Reading a book aloud to each other can be a great way to get reactions. Finally, while not technically a conversation, still, get thee to the toy store: Investing in toys is fun if you can get over the awkwardness of buying them.
Online shopping is also a lot of fun, though perhaps more likely to result in a box showing up at your door after a night of drunken browsing. How about you guys? Have you cracked the code on talking about sex… even if one or both of you is more into doing it than talking about it?