You're looking at me like I'm on To Catch a Predator. We don't need to use those, I have my tip money right here. What are you talking about, I have coupons. I've fallen so far, I can't fall any further. There's no need to go down a keshame spiral. Oh, now you tell me you have coupons? Should have told me before, now shouldn't ya? I didn't wanna tell you at all, she made me. Look, it's not a big deal. Lots of people use coupons. Coupons are for— Max: That seems like a lot. I've been using a hooker's lip gloss.
She's not a hooker. She's too old, she's a madam. You've been using an old hooker's lip gloss. I can't believe she would actually consider asking us to be prostitutes. I mean, me, I get, but you, I don't see it. You heard the guy, I look like I could "take a lot. Max, it's not funny. Isn't it bad enough I may have gotten herpes from her Chanel gloss? Of course we're not gonna do it, but come on, you'd be a terrible hooker.
Thank you, I would be a terrible hooker. I have a heart, and soul, and dreams, and wanna fall in love and have a family. Oh, just say it, you're bad in bed. And the Blind Spot [1. But can now be open again for such a beautiful woman. I am the chef. Oh, here we go. Ukraine's gonna try to invade Poland. Oleg, this is our neighbor, Sophie.
I would like to have a plate with sausage on it while I look over the menu. You are like someone super-sized Victoria's Secret angel. If I'm gonna suck on something this hard and get no pleasure out of it, I should just date. And the Broken Hearts [1. I would like to hire you to clean my house.
Oh, yeah, this is possible. I will send girl. What is your address? I don't want some girl. I want you to come clean. Oh, you cannot get me to come.
Oh, I can get you to come. No, I can no longer come anymore. No, Max and Caroline can come. No, no, no, no, we're not coming. So no one can get you to come?
Well, some people can get me to come Now I'm starting to get it. Is it weird that I kind of wanna have sex with your dad? And the Kosher Cupcakes [1. You realized I replaced that Purell with K-Y , right?
Max, please say you're kidding. Of course I'm kidding. I can't afford lube. I just use my tears. Max, seriously, don't mess with my hand sanitizer. I've already caught poverty this year and I refuse to catch the flu. I was very close to my neighbors, the Kleins.
In fact, they called me their honorary Jew. This is like when you tell Earl you're practically black. We'll just get our money and go. Take our money and go? What are we, barbarians? Stay and celebrate a little! But, out here in the kitchen, away from the men. Three of my favorite things to do! And the One-Night Stands [1. Dude, you and the webmaster have been talking "business" every day for a week. Is something going on there? Shouldn't the web be mastered by now? Might as well get something out of it.
Maybe let him browse your Yahoo? Looks like he might have a big ol' hard drive with a lot of RAM. Yeah, he's cute, but I don't want a relationship right now. And I don't do one-night stands. All right, so don't stand. That's not me—the next morning, doing the walk of shame. I always see those girls with their messed-up sex hair, carrying their heels, clutching their coats to hide last night's outfit.
Going into Kinko's to use Google Maps so you can figure out where you are. You really put the "ho" in "Kinko. I'm so excited to see my father after all this time. How do I look? Do I still have that freshly felt-up glow? Well, that ginger over there thinks you look good. He's full-on staring at you. Well, I should hope so.
If you can't get a dude in prison to check you out, it's time for a makeover. And the Spring Break [1. Who would be coming over now? I don't know, my dealer, my other dealer? That guy who always asks if I know where my dealer is? You can't handle what's on the other side of that door.
Yesterday, I saw a guy on a stoop frenching his cat. I can handle anything. And you put the "oh, no" in kimono. Your upstairs neighbor Sophie is allowing me to have sex with her. And I came down to borrow some sensual oils. Preferably, ones that you can eat.