Carrie confesses her affair with Big to Aidan, and he dumps her on the spot. Charlotte is dismayed to learn that Trey has a limp member, but marries him anyway.
Miranda is so angst-ridden about being a thirty-four year old bridesmaid with no date for Charlotte's wedding that she's registered herself for some kind of speed-dating service: She quickly realizes that the men in her speed dating pool have zero interest in hooking up with a lawyer, so eventually she throws in the towel trying to pass herself off as an independent career minded woman and tells a dorky faux ER doctor named Harris that she's an airline stewardess During the rehearsal dinner, Miranda complains to the gals and Aidan that men don't want women with a powerful job, then starts to say, "They want Miranda justifies her lie by pointing out that as a lawyer she attracted zero dates - but as a stewardess, she was able to score one.
Samantha tells her it's not so much what you do, but how you say what you do, then seductively purrs, "I'm in PR. I give great head. Considering his general dorkiness, I doubt her lie will result in any great consequence. Trey thanks the guests for attending the rehearsal dinner, then gives a special shout-out to his cousin Caleb, who flew in from Edinburgh for the occasion.
Samantha leers at the brawny Scotsman and mutters, "Yum. I know what I'll be having later. Miranda wistfully remarks that Charlotte looks "so damn happy" Naturally, this leads the gals to wonder if Scotsmen wear anything underneath the kilts, to which Samantha cackles, "I'll find out!
She introduces herself and offers to show him around town, then scrunches her face confusedly when she can't make out what Caleb is saying in his thick Scottish accent. Carrie moans about how she's going to have to 'fess up and tell Aidan about her affair with Big, but Samantha disagrees and says there's absolutely no reason he needs to know.
Carrie points out that relationships are supposed to be built on trust, and Samantha wryly replies, "That ship sailed" Charlotte agrees that Carrie should come clean to Aidan - but preferably after the wedding, then chirps, "It's supposed to be my week. Samantha doesn't get why Carrie needs to tell Aidan anything, especially now that her affair with Big is over - but Miranda says if she were the one being cheated on, she'd definitely want to know.
Carrie snarks that it's hard to take the advice of someone who's posing as a stewardess Charlotte whines that she doesn't want to pretend anything, and Samantha changes the subject to her skirt length and asks if it could be made shorter - but Charlotte nixes that request and tells her that all the dresses have to be the same length, not hiked up near cootch territory.
Samantha irritably says if she has to be a bridesmaid she should at least be able to look good, and Charlotte bitchily tells her she doesn't have to be a bridesmaid, and that the only reason she was asked was so she wouldn't feel left out. Samantha snaps back that she'd looooove to be left out and spend her available leisure time doinking Caleb She stares contemplatively into space, then types: But then, so is not repeatedly cheating on your trusting boyfriend with a married douchebag.
Miranda is out to dinner with Harris, wearing a silk scarf tied around her neck I assume in an effort to look as stewardess-esque as possible. She slips into a soft, sultry voice as she makes up stuff about what it's like to be a stewardess, and Harris just stares at her in fascination. After dinner the two go to Miranda's place to have sex, and somehow the dork is able to bring her to orgasm.
After enjoying a few minutes of post-coital afterglow, she tells him he probably shouldn't spend the night 'cause she has an early flight As he gets dressed, Miranda bemoans the lonely life of a stewardess, then asks Harris if he's free to escort her to a wedding on Sunday. The gals are gathered at a bar, celebrating Charlotte's last night as a single woman She cackles, "I finally get to sleep with Trey!
A horrified Samantha asks her what she'll do if Trey is terrible in bed, and Charlotte chuckles and says he won't be terrible, given that he's soooo sexy and such an amazing kisser. She then says she wants to do sexy things with him involving whipped cream, then giggles like a schoolgirl about how horny she is. Miranda gets another booty call from Harris while Samantha bumps uglies with Caleb, who rambles incoherently.
Carrie surprises Aidan by make a late night visit to his furniture store and finds him putting the final touches on the wooden love seat he made as a wedding gift for Charlotte and Trey. No way in hell does Carrie deserve a kind, thoughtful man like this.
Aidan describes the different kinds of wood he used to cobble the seat together, and how blending them together makes it strong Carrie perks up at that and goes, "So, flaws can be good? Carrie mulls that over, considers telling him she spent the last three episodes doinking Big behind his back, but worries that he might see her for the two-timing shitbag she is. Instead of coming clean, she leans in for a smooch, and the two get it on atop the love seat.
Charlotte shows up at Trey's apartment, drunkenly giggling in his doorway. She tells him that since it's officially their wedding day they should hit the sheets, and Trey dutifully picks her up and carries her over to his bedroom. Things don't appear to go well, 'cause in the next scene, the two are laying side by side, looking deflated.
Trey tightly says, "Well, that was unfortunate" and tells her that his penis has a tendency to go flaccid at the most inopportune times and that intercourse doesn't always do it for him. Charlotte forlornly goes, "Oh.. Charlotte refrains from pointing out that sex, sex, and more sex is at the core of every storyline and minor subplot on Sex and the City, then stares into space with a stricken look on her face. Hopeful foreplay Flaccid failure Aidan wakes up in the middle of the night and finds Carrie sitting on his stoop outside, puffing away on her stupid cigarette.
Carrie whines about how hard it is to quit, and Aidan says he'll just have to learn to live with it - ick! Carrie argues that he's pretty close to being perfect, then says she needs to tell him something The two exchange I love yous, and she says she's going to head home 'cause all her stuff for the wedding is in her apartment. Miranda is in her kitchen, gabbling to Harris as she slices a bagel for breakfast Harris immediately gets wigged out and snaps at her to stop waving her bloody stump around 'cause the sight of blood makes him queasy.
When she gives him a funny look, he confesses that he's not really an ER doctor, but rather the assistant manager of Athlete's Foot As Miranda mulls that over, she debates whether or not she should tell him the truth about her real career, but declines and slips into her soft stewardess voice and orders him to leave, and says she hopes she never sees him aboard one of her flights.
Aidan arrives at Carrie's apartment to pick her up for the wedding He tries to cuddle her, then complains, "You never let me hold you anymore. Aidan stares at her incredulously and goes, "You slept with that guy?
Aidan silently hands her the wrapped box, then backs away from her in disgust and makes a beeline over to the door. Carrie sadly asks, "What about the wedding? I hope you don't mind. Carrie rushes in and apologizes for being late, then gushes about how perfect Charlotte looks. A few seconds later, the ceremony gets underway She whispers, "Trey can't get it up! Carrie breezily tells her it happens to everyone and isn't a big deal She then offers Charlotte an out and says if she's seriously rethinking marrying a quasi-impotent man she barely knows, the two of them can hop into a cab and hightail it away from the church.
Charlotte considers that sensible option, then firmly declares, "No. I'm getting married" and begs Carrie not to tell anyone about Trey's limp dick situation. With that settled, a bearded man suddenly materializes out of nowhere - I guess we're to assume he's Charlotte's father [who hopefully wasn't standing close enough to eavesdrop on the flaccid member conversation just now] - and she takes his arm and the two begin their walk down the aisle.
Carrie spots a glum looking Aidan loitering by the gate, so she ambles over to see whassup. He tells her he's been wandering around aimlessly, unable to bring himself to enter the church She invokes the flawed wood in his love seat and asks if her cheating could possibly be downgraded to minor imperfection status, but he tells her it's not that simple. She wails, "I just wanted to be honest with you! Carrie nods tearfully as he says, "I really love you" and stalks off.
Miranda comes over with her concerned face on and tells Carrie she's needed for the wedding photos, and Carrie wipes away her tears and voice-overs about how hard it is to find people who love you, no matter how fat a liar and slutty a cheater you prove yourself to be. As the four gals pose for the camera, she smugly adds, "I was lucky enough to find three of them.