Carrie is distraught when Mr. Big tells her he has no desire to get married again. Samantha tries to transform a dorky loser into a dateable man. Charlotte gets addicted to her new vibrator, The Rabbit. Carrie voice-overs, "In a city of perfect people, there was no one more perfect than Brooke" Brooke being an attractive, successful interior designer who exclusively dates A-list guys.
We then get footage of Brooke out on the town, getting in and out of limos with various gorgeous men while looking glamorous and smug about her fabulousness. Eventually she decided to settle down They're mystified when the groom turns out to be a balding dork who Brooke once referred to as "more boring than exposed brick".
Brooke and her dork throw themselves a lavish, K wedding and invite everyone in Manhattan who's considered rich and high society The gals get stuck at the least desirable singles' table with a balding dork not to be confused with the groom who Carrie dubs "The Turtle" and says was known for good investments but bad breath. The Turtle is immediately wowed by Samantha, but she's so turned off by his bad breath and dorkiness that she rudely flees the table.
He cluelessly sits beside Carrie and gushes, "Your friend is gorgeous! As the evening wears on, The Turtle continues to make a nuisance of himself When it's finally goodbye time, Brooke hugs them each of them. She excitedly tells Charlotte, "You're next! Alan has great single friends! She voice-overs that people are always telling her things she doesn't want to hear, and thinks that Brooke's revelation "crossed the line". She calls up Mr. Big and asks, "Why do people get married if they're not in love?
In your face, Carrie! Big's statement about never wanting to remarry. Miranda and Samantha aren't at all surprised, but Charlotte is aghast and thinks that being in a relationship with a man who refuses to make the ultimate commitment is a major bummer.
Carrie wails, "I wasn't even thinking about marriage - but now it's all I can think about! Charlotte argues that a healthy relationship should be based on honesty and communication, and Samantha rolls her eyes and says that actually believing that at the age of thirty-two is just stupid. Carrie asks them if she should just ignore Big's declaration about marriage, and Samantha and Miranda and me bark, "Yes! In fifty years, men will be obsolete anyway.
Samantha cackles and says, "Sounds like someone just got her first vibrator! Charlotte shakes her head in dismay and says she finds this conversation sad [and deeply insulting to decent people everywhere] Miranda argues, "You haven't met The Rabbit" but Charlotte insists that a vibrating, inanimate object can't possibly replace a human male. Miranda smugly retorts, "I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much?
The gals sans Samantha head over to the nearest sex store to check out The Rabbit. Carrie pulls the purple dong out of its packaging and examines it I present you with The Rabbit.
But I still don't see how it could ever replace a man. OK, now I do. She went out with Jerry, a guy she met at Brooke's wedding.
He brought her to a swanky restaurant, then told her he knew from the moment he saw that they'd be having dinner together. She grins and replies, "Well aren't you cocky?
Several minutes later, Samantha decides to see what's keeping Jerry, so she heads toward the back of the bar and is dismayed to see him leaning against the wall, canoodling with the pretty woman. Samantha looks sad and dejected, then turns toward the exit - when suddenly The Turtle, who's sitting at a table alone, stands up and calls out, "Samantha!
Samantha absorbs the much needed compliment, then decides to sit with him. He tells her he was just thinking about her and asks, "Hey, do you like my shirt? He explains that he's taking Chinese herbs so he'll live longer, so she tells him he may live longer, but he'll be living alone.
Back to the phone call: Samantha tells Carrie that once she gets The Turtle's breath under control, she's going to help him shop for a whole new wardrobe. Later, Carrie mulls all this over and taps on her computer, "In a city with great expectations, is it time to settle for what you can get?
As she returns undesirable wedding gifts, she waxes on about how fabulous marriage is, and that an enormous weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
Carrie says she's happy for her and Alan and all that, but can't help noticing that she doesn't seem genuinely happy. Brooke admits that she has, indeed, settled for a rich dorky guy in exchange for the security of marriage. A few seconds later, the two run into Samantha and The Turtle, who's stylishly dressed in Helmut Lang. Brooke gushes, "You look great! Brooke stares after them and remarks that Samantha seems really happy, which prompts Carrie to wonder if everyone in Manhattan is settling.
Not everyone in Manhattan is settling just 'cause two of your shallowest, most insecure friends hooked up with balding dorks. Carrie and Charlotte are in a torture yoga class, sitting on the floor as they stretch and pull on each other's arms. Charlotte quietly exclaims, "I broke my vagina! She says she's able to climax with The Rabbit every time, then widens her eyes and over-shares, "Once I came for five minutes! Charlotte makes a face and goes, "Noooo" and insists she's done with the vibrator Carrie eyes her suspiciously, but doesn't call her out on the obvious fib.
Stanford grumbles that he's had it with the gay scene and complains that it's too competitive. The guy arrived twenty minutes late, gave Stanford a disdainful once-over, then backed away, said, "Sorry, it's not going to happen" and rushed off.
Stanford moans, "It's so brutal out there! He says he should probably just get married so he can collect his inheritance, then explains that his rich grandmother gives each grandchild a big pile of cash when they wed. When Carrie points out the obvious, he says, "She doesn't believe in gay. Big is never going to, and Stanford's like, "Hey, that's actually a good idea!
She tells him she received a marriage proposal last night from a handsome, witty man - Stanford Blatch - who's about to come into his inheritance. Big furrows his brows and goes, "I thought he was gay" and Carrie's like, "Well, d'yuh. The camera then pans over to Charlotte, who's lounging on her bed, clearly enjoying the effects of afterglow from The Rabbit. She tells Carrie she's too wiped out to leave the house, and Carrie voice-overs that she knew this was code for I'm spending the night with my vibrator.
In the next scene, she and Miranda march over to Charlotte's apartment for A Rabbit Intervention, and burst in and confiscate the sex toy. Charlotte blames Miranda for her five minute orgasm addiction, since she's the one who urged her to buy The Rabbit I hope it's been sterilized since her last use. I'm too wiped out.
I can barely walk! Samantha gets annoyed and says, "Maybe it doesn't matter", but when he continues to scrutinize the mushroom on his raised fork, she throws in the towel and concedes that he's always just going to be a turtle in a designer outfit.
She tells him she doesn't feel well and is going home, then unconvincingly says, "I'll call you. Stanford brings Carrie to visit his grandmother at her lavish estate.
Grandma Blatch is decked out in a lovely Chanel suit, which she and Carrie agree will never go out of style. Carrie tells her she's a columnist, blah blah She asks Carrie if she wants to have a family, and after a few seconds of careful thought, Carrie says she definitely does. Grandma Blatch sends Stanford to another room to get some matches, then tells Carrie she loves Stanford but grimly adds, "But he is a fruit.
I guess that means no inheritance for Stanny. Carrie and Big are making dinner at his apartment. She tells him she definitely wants to get married someday - not today, but someday - then asks, "What's the point of dating, otherwise?
Know what I mean?