Then cue cheesy dance-in-some-clouds-with-an-unbuttoned-shirt-flapping-in-the-wind moment. Oh look, now he looks like some kind of prodigy, scrawling undistinguishable markings on the wall with a serious look on his face. But if you were Stateside, you got to see a forlorn love story , as told by a leather jacket-donning Bedingfield. If you feel like putting yourself through three minutes of pure masochistic torture then by all means, watch the video of an animated frog-like creature riding an invisible motorbike around a fictional futuristic world.
It will leave you wishing those rockets hit him, putting an end to Crazy Frog once and for all. That, or sit through eight and a half minutes of an extended remix version. But at least you come across as a nice guy at the end, dancing around with a kid who looks scares shitless on your shoulders. Sadly, the brightly-coloured short-shorts are a bit much.
But wait, it gets better — the black light comes out and the band begin to glow. Then it all ends with a girl asleep in bed. Was it all a dream? Dear god we hope so. It just makes them even worse. Good luck getting the image of the bloke in a leopard-print skin-tight dress out of your mind. But then again, what would you expect from Steel Panther? And we love a bit of surrealism in our music vids.
But this is just the wrong kind of wrong. Whatever kind of mind conceived this sub-Plastic Little carnival of face crotch weirdness needs to be locked up a lot of miles away from us thank you very much. Hard to believe this is made it passed the censors. They had a good innings, and this was them way, way past their prime. Get back to singing about panties, big boy. No wonder MTV decided to ditch real vids for clips of people stapling their balls to the wall around this time.
The guy in the white dungarees, though? As seduction goes, this sex-face-filled raclette of cheesy cliches is about as alluring as a threesome with Dominque Strauss-Kahn and Dappy. But then they go from playing in some dingy garage to standing in front of a shimmery golden backdrop. Then suddenly, they all get really sweaty, and it begins to rain.
Oh, and a fair amount of pretending to be on the phone. Knowing the answer will only ruin your life. OK, they were a ropey girl threesome, one of whom was called Louise Fudge, who created a thumping piece of headache pop about men being like, you know, coffee. Mauled his singles, albums, and live show, but still you bought the records. Well, time to pay the price.
This was filmed way back when, and it really shows. It looks like the cast of Jersey Shore were barfed up on the set of a music video, only to be classed up by a camero from Ron Jeremy.
Singer emoting to an empty arena? Singer emoting sadly in the rain? And amongst the many answers was one: A mission to be as unfunny as possible. Damn that mansion, damn those millions in the bank and most of all, damn you, fickle fans.
Because CJ Fam is sick. Sick of the sickly finger of fame pointing at her and making her be, um, famous. Surely you must be joking? What could have gone so wrong? Well versed in the Rebecca Black school of literalism, Rose is younger with even less legal ability to drive a car and a helluva lot more autotune.
What could possibly go wrong? Manfully she decided to carry on and do her video anyway. That the many, many Simon Cowell-led focus groups behind Cher Lloyd came up with this is baffling. An amazing song un-done by the video. Which one do you think Razorlight made? Basically all you need to know is that: In fact everything has the air of slight menace about it.
You were so wrong. The Followills had a sideline as Christian missionaries sent to teach African school children about the best way to wear gnarly sunglasses and ripped jeans. The music industry gasped in disbelief as the Oklahoma boys leapt into a muddled mise-en-scene of questionable racial subtext. In the end, there was so much to dislike it was quite overwhelming. This was the equivalent of repeatedly getting bitten on the ankles by a yappy dog.