Do not read if you can't handle! If you choose to read then read. There are jokes that might come offensive to some and others who are warped and twisted like me might laff their asses off. So you are entering at your own risk.
Enjoy if you read them, and if you read them and don't like it, well I don't know what to say but I warned you. A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it.
I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything. His friend replies, "That's great: I never found her head. What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left it. What has two legs and bleeds profusely? What's red and orange and looks good on hippies? Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life. What's the good news?
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that". The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first? There where only 3 survivors: They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women. After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? One, but you have to throw it really hard. What's worse than ten dead babies in a barrel? One dead baby in ten barrels. Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken. Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the koala. Why did the tree fall over?
The koala never let go. Why did the kangaroo die? Because the koala landed on it. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a boiling pot? What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs hammered into a piece of wood?
How do you get a goth out of a tree? Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink.