Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Free Pass To Cheat? A young woman was bemoaning the fact that her guy had gotten fat.
Worse, she tells the columnist, her once fit and fashionable man had grown "lazy and fat. Despite what we might surmise is declining sex appeal, she nonetheless describes her man as "intelligent, accomplished, emotionally mature, kind, loving, and funny. Take him as he is! Love him for himself! Grant him the freedom to live as he wants. Beer Belly to hightail it back to the gym. But you get the gist: What if the roles were reversed?
What if a man were seeking advice, expressing distaste for his widening woman? I understand the peculiarities of sexual attraction, but why is "my wife got fat" a "Get Out of Jail Free" card for men, but "my husband got fat" elicits the equivalent of "what's your problem? Here on the pages of HuffPost Divorce , readers have weighed in on the subject of divorce and, well One gentleman equates a woman's appearance to a man's income, essentially positing that if a man must provide, a woman must stay thin.
Perhaps he's lacking a "fat" wallet and is resentful of a stocky spouse, as he offers this bit of mythology: Yet, men who don't maximize their income are fair game for criticism as being lazy or lacking ambition, while women who gain weight are perceived as victims. They can't even imagine what some people have to live with every day, like a 5'8" spouse who has gone from lb to lb What would YOU do?
Responding in no uncertain terms, one gentleman states: It is grounds for divorce. Do these readers adhere to a different type of marriage vow? We excuse his nights out, his wandering eye, his slip-slide into infidelity -- and even his claim that weight gain justifies divorce. We know why women put on weight after marriage: Weight gain may also result from health conditions, hormones, medications and aging.
Add the challenges of the work-life juggle, stress at the office, stress in the relationship, stress over the kids and unspoken resentments that accumulate with the years. And on that last point, when there's trouble in paradise -- poor communication, lack of sex -- some of us are vulnerable to emotional eating , though we'd be wiser to sup on a hearty plate of straight talk.
All of these explanations for extra heft -- except pregnancy -- are potentially applicable to both genders. Shouldn't we ask why there's been a change in weight, not to mention behavior? What ticks me off is the double standard. Had a man written in for advice because his woman got fat, would the columnist have said "take her as she is" and "grant her the freedom to live as she wants?
Overweight and obesity are serious issues in this country. But a significant weight change signals problems that demand addressing -- physical, emotional, logistical, financial. Why must we dismiss the matter for one sex and point an accusatory finger at the other? And do we really think that "she got fat" is a free pass to cheat or justification for divorce?