But as well as pills, sprays, condoms and other products, there are many natural techniques you can try. Some are quite simple, and you just need to remember to give them a go; others require a bit of practice to see the best results. In my experience, the best thing to do is be open-minded and try different things until you find something that works for you. So even if breathing exercises sounds a bit esoteric to you, give it a go at least once.
Basically, you set yourself a time target such as 10 or 20 minutes. Then either during masturbation or sex with a willing partner, you stop and rest every time you feel yourself getting too aroused until that time is up. If you usually finish within a minute or two, 10 to 20 minutes might mean a lot of stopping and starting, which is fine.
But stick with it, and in a few weeks you should find you need less rests. I used one when I first started trying to deal with the problem, had great results with it and importantly found it was a good confidence booster. Good positions are those that promote slower, shallower movements. The cowgirl — you lying down with her sitting on top. The reverse cowgirl — her on top facing away from you. Side by side facing each other — both of you lying on the bed, with legs intertwined. Sitting on the bed or in a chair — with her on top, you can relax more.
Any position from behind apart from spoons. Guys in the porn industry do this trick all the time — think how many times the camera angle changes! Another great trick is to completely withdraw and turn your attention to your partner with your hand, tongue, sex toy or anything else that she enjoys and gives you some time to cool down. This is a classic trick and one which in my experience usually helps. My partner is a particular fan of this technique, finding the rhythm enjoyable and exciting.
I know from experience that when I have sex every day and preferably more than once a day my control is much, much better than when I only see my partner once or twice a week.
Fortunately, you can reduce your arousal by controlling your breathing during sex. Breathe IN slowly for 4 seconds. HOLD for 4 seconds. If you can maintain this pattern, especially when feeling more aroused, it can help you stay in control of your body. If you notice yourself tensing your stomach muscles, thighs and ass especially, then try to relax instead.
Relax your mind Relaxing the mind is a trickier beast to pin down. So try using positive affirmations during sex to relax yourself. Alternatively, work on your general level of stress and anxiety in life.
If that all sounds a little too esoteric for you, just remember the breathing. That can help with both bodily and mental relaxation. Wear a condom Unprotected sex feels amazing, but can unfortunately feel just a bit too good sometimes. So adding a condom can really help knock the sensitivity down a level and give you a fighting chance of coping with the intense stimulation. And if you want, you can try an extra thick condom for even more desensitizing, or even a benzocaine condom which will add a little extra numbing.
Think how every part of your body feels from your toes to your fingers. Enjoy the complete experience. Relax and do nothing As I said before, relaxation is key. So much so, that relaxing to the point of doing absolutely nothing can help you last longer.
Alternatively, both of you can simply lie still together with you inside and have a tantric moment. This gives you a chance to focus on your breathing and lower your arousal level, as well as connect on a more profound level. But women also like variation, so you can sometimes thrust slowly, sometimes pause deep inside her, sometimes do very shallow thrusts and tease her at the entrance. I might then do 5 or 6 very slow shallow thrusts, followed by a very slow and deep thrust.
I find I can keep control this way, and my partner loves the anticipation of the next deep thrust. Any small repetitive action with your body can help shift your attention from your groin.
For example, gently curling the toes on one foot repeatedly. So take it easy to start. Get used to the warmth and pleasure and then build up slowly. Count an action This is a variation on the classic distraction technique, and is much better than thinking about paint drying.
Try counting your thrusts or your breath, or anything else which is easy and rhythmic to focus on. Not my personal favorite, but again, some men do say this technique helps. Spend longer on foreplay, with a focus on your partner This is one of the most important tips I can give you, stemming from the basic concept that men get aroused much faster than women.
The longer you spend on good foreplay giving her as much pleasure as you can think of the better, for 2 reasons. First, it takes the pressure off you, especially if you give her an orgasm first. Second, it raises her arousal to be closer to yours, so you may not even need to last so long when you do eventually have sex. Talk to your partner about it If you talk openly about having problems with your sexual stamina, it will take the pressure off you.
You can then work together and many of the techniques in this article will be easier to implement. Explore tantric sex Tantra has a lot to say about the way people have sex, and how there are other ways to go about it. One idea you can try now is to spend time massaging your partner before you get to more sexual foreplay.
The idea is to develop your pelvic floor muscles through exercises you can do in your own time. The muscles used are identified by stopping yourself mid flow when peeing. But you can also learn to keep the same muscles relaxed during sex up until that point of ejaculation.
By actively relaxing that pelvic area, either through general relaxation or reverse kegels , you might find you last longer. There are several possible physical causes, as well as psychological and behavioral. And they can recommend or refer you to a counselor or sex therapist if they feel there might be a psychological or behavioral cause. My view is that the best approach is to hit the problem from every possible angle.
And you might also find it helpful to read my complete overview of different treatment options for premature ejaculation.