Oct 23, 15 I'm glad that the OP has discovered that their problem is attached to some other substance and that, indeed, its quite common, whether they are legal or illegal. So thats good and I'm sure discussion it will be worked-out and no further problems will arise.
However, thats situation isn't true for everyone and yet this somewhat of a phenomenon, still occurs for many. So I thought I might shed some light on a few things to consider, that I often find through others, regarding their own problems. Generally in psychology we like to use words like "stress" to convey an idea, because stress is so many things and offering that word, is meant to automatically drop-down a mental list of available stresses for you to zero-in what particularly pertains to you.
Problem is, it doesn't work like that for a lot of individuals; as its also true for the problem at hand, "Up in 'ere" we don't all work the same way, either. So to offer a different objective. Many of you would be surprised to learn, that especially in these matters , women are rather grateful that they don't come with a, ready, digit indicator, of where their heads are at.
Which is important for you fellas wrestling with performance issues; and those partners whom either make your relationship feel uncertain, or in fact even threaten to leave. Because if they did have such an obvious indicator, then you would already know they had long since left their relationship with you, before they actually decided to vocalize it and burn that bridge. However, for you men, the issue is the same; if not quite motivated the same way, towards the same result.
As I said, we are not all on the same wavelength, all the time. So for many men, its less about interest in their partners and more about interest laying in what they are doing at the time. Now this isn't as black and white as the statement may seem either.
You could feel very up for it and then over the course of it; maybe the sexplay you are enjoying is a becoming increasingly mechanical, maybe just being there is not in sync with your biorhythms, as a time and place. Or maybe even, you've just been involved too long in the act. A lot of women also experience the same things and you could be picking up on it subtly and subliminally reacting.
Women also react the same way, when its too much or too long. Few will make a concerted effort to disengage because they don't have a clear indication of where their partner is at; or in many cases, don't think he's going to stop. However, you all have to understand. You can't stop involuntary reaction. Not yours, and not theirs. So those are some things to get you thinking and I am sure, you can all scour the net to read up on all the other extrapolated reasons for issues such as this.
Everything from work related to self-image related issues and of course other more deeply embedded concerns. Above all, bedplay is something that us humans get to enjoy at will, however its subject to our environment going in and coming out. Just like the act itself! We all want to have sex when its on offer and generally find ways to enjoy it when its not. So whilst our general society defaults to blaming accessibility to porn as being, one extreme level of impact.
The fact is, that all media, socialization, communial interaction, workplace and even sport. Contributes in large part to pressures associated with impacting upon necessary mental imagery that makes us feel assured, that its all ok and we can let go and just do this thing until it hurts. One thing I hear a lot from women, is this idea they feel that the men in their lives, seem to constantly be seeking permission. Ok, kinda makes sense when you're talking about last men standing on a great night out.
Makes no sense when its your partner. Which in both cases, as long as you understand what no means and looks like, for each other. Then go for your life. Becoming relaxed is key, easier said than done, but also part of the relationship building process. There is a good reason why naughty 40's are fucking like rabbits; because by that time, we're all hopefully experienced enough to keep it interesting.
If we're fortunate enough to have had the same partner throughout our lives, so much the better. Be attentive of one another, without pressure.