Gunborg Palme , certified psychologist and certified psychotherapist, teacher and tutor in psychotherapy. Me and my girlfriend have been having sex for over five months now and she's never had an orgasm. I dont seem to understand what is the problem here. She's had two partners before me and neither have given her an orgasm either. I don't seem to know whats wrong but what I notice is that she's never in the mood to do it. I've told her again and again to go visit a gynecologist but she's just too lazy.
Also she says that if the environment was right maybe it would be possible for her to achieve a female orgasm which I do agree to a certain extent but truthfully I believe something is wrong with her vagina. She loves me to death and says sex doesn't really bother her but to me it does and the fact that I can't give her an orgasm makes me feel like I am a total disgrace. Teach me how to give a female an orgasm, how to increase the female sex drive.
How can she learn to orgasm? Tell me about making a woman orgasm. There is an old Chinese saying: Man is fire, woman is water. The man's fire brings the woman's water to boiling. Listen to your girlfriend; she says: Women are not, as men are, immediately stimulated by sight. They need more time. They need the right atmosphere, some romance; sometimes candles and soft music can help. To get her to desire you and want to have sex, you have to court her, so that she feels like an attractive woman, and not like a service provider.
Men can often make up a quarrel by making love, but women need to feel that the relationship is good first, in order to feel desire. She needs to get in the right mood. Be helpful and give her a lot of care and appreciation. Making love is a slow process for a woman and may have to start many hours in advance, by fondness and attention from the man she loves. Women need a much longer foreplay than men. Start by whispering sweet words in her ear and fondling her all over her body, but not in the genital area.
Be sensitive, all the time, to what she likes and what she wants to hear. Do not fondle the genital area until she is ready use lubricating gel, which you can buy in a drug store. You need to have patience. She may not get an orgasm until after 20 minutes or more.
And sometimes it will not work, even if you do everything right. You need to love her anyway. Most women will not achieve orgasm through an ordinary genital sexual intercourse. And men often are tired after their orgasm. Because of this, it may be best to ensure that the woman has an orgasm before the man. She will still be excited afterwards, and will enjoy his orgasm. Women can enjoy sex even if they do not get an orgasm.
They enjoy the nearness and intimacy, the fondling and the feeling of love and desire. A request from the man that she must have an orgasm can be a problem for the woman. In spite of this, you should try to learn to satisfy her. I know of women who have left their boyfriends when they have met a man who knows the right way.
Your girlfriend probably does not want to go to a gynecologist, because she feels that this is not the problem. One treatment for a dry vagina is lubricating gel. Do not tell her that she is lazy; instead try to understand her wishes and needs. Respect her, if she does not want to go to a gynecologist. To criticize her will kill all desire and she may resent this for a long time. If you want something from her, ask her in a nice way, without criticism. Listen to what she says and try to understand her feelings and needs.
A woman who has never had an orgasm may be able to learn this by practice. Her chances of succeeding are higher if she has a partner who is responsive to her needs.