What do you do as a Christian wife if your husband does not want sex? This is very delicate subject for many Christian wives and it can often times be embarrassing for them to even raise the subject because of cultural and religious conditioning. I have received many emails from women asking me to talk about the subject of husbands not wanting sex and here it is finally!
Sorry it took so long. Yes wives want sex too! Do not be ashamed of the fact that as a woman you want to have sex. In the Scriptures we need to look no further than the entire book of the Song of Solomon to see that women want sex too: For your love is better than wine… My beloved is to me a pouch of myrrh Which lies all night between my breasts. May my beloved come into his garden And eat its choice fruits!
But nothing could be further from the truth. In this area of sexuality we have to battle two extremes. If you find yourself as a wife in either of these situations — rest assured there is nothing wrong with you. I also recognize that some women not only enjoy sex with their husbands, but they actually want it more often than their husbands!
But the truth is despite those women who find themselves having higher libidos sex drives than their husbands — the vast majority of low libido situations are found in women. Ask a Pastor or therapist where they find low libido issues the most and they will say the vast majority of cases are with women having lower libidos than their husbands.
The mistake we make in this area of low libido is thinking that we have to make everything equal. But even though it is true that if you want sex more than your husband that puts you in smaller percentage group of women because the vast majority of women usually want it less than their husbands — it does not make you abnormal, dirty or unchristian. That is my point. The difference between sexual denial and low libido A person husband or wife is capable of having little to no desire for sex low libido and still having sex with their spouse.
Spouses do this all the time. Not having sexual desire, no matter the reason, is not the same as sexually denying your spouse. Most men understand this key difference but women often times confuse the two. For many women — if their husband stops initiating sex as often or not at all then they interpret this as sexual denial when that is not the case.
Reasons your husband might have little to no sexual desire When we look at reasons your husband might not want to have sex with you we have to divide these reasons into three major categories. First lets tackle the reasons your husband might have little to no desire to have sex with you. For some men it increases their libido as sex helps to alleviate their depression.
But for other men their depression causes their libido to drop. Usually though this type of event should only cause a temporary period of depression. If this goes on for years you may need to gently prod your husband into counseling if you think this is the case. Your husband is stressed because of his job situation Talk to him about it. Tell him how much you love him and how grateful you are for him providing for your family. Listen and empathize with his position use your super power of empathy that God has given you as a woman.
Reassure him that if in a worst case scenario he needs to look for a new job you will support that. If your husband lost his job — the worst thing you can do as a wife is kick him when he is down. Let him know that you believe in him and that you know he will find something else soon.
You need to be strong and not fall apart and worry about financial issues or bringing up finances to him. He knows that time is short and he needs to get a job — adding pressure will not help him. Obviously if he is being lazy or unwilling to support your family that is a different issue.
Your husband has a health issue Maybe your husband has chronic pain issues or perhaps he has issues with ED or low testosterone. Try to gently speak with him about this. Tell him how you understand that he has chronic pain but you still need to have sex with him — you need that type of physical connection in your marriage. Some types of medication your husband takes may be killing his libido. If he has ED or low testosterone again reiterate to him how much you desire him and want to be physically intimate with him.
Let him know he is not the only man that faces this and there is help — he just needs to be willing to seek it out. It is one of those issues that is usually buried deep. Your husband thinks sex is just for having kids Sometimes people are raised in homes or churches that teach that sex is only for having children. If your husband has this attitude toward sex, you will need to seek out counseling where a third party can help dig out this faulty and wrong view of sex. Your husband is Asexual or has a true low libido While these types of men are extremely rare — they do exist.
Some men want a wife and they want kids but they have little desire for sex or they may even be Asexual and have NO desire for sex.
But not long into the marriage they drop their guard and the show is over. If he is Asexual or has true low libido not caused by other factors — then you may have to initiate sex more often and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
Your husband admits to you or a counselor that the reason he has stopped having sex with you is because he has homosexual desires. He may truly love you — he simply has no sexual desire towards you because he prefers men to women. First know that you are not the first woman to face this situation and you will not be the last. Homosexual desires exist because our flesh has been corrupted by sin.
There are Christian programs that can help men recondition their minds toward heterosexual orientation. Just go online and look up a Christian counseling program in your area that can help your husband with this. But he has to be willing for this work. Reasons that may or may not have to do with you Your husband is addicted to porn This may have been something that proceeded your marriage, or may have developed during your marriage but has nothing to do with you as his wife.
Your husband is having an affair This like porn addiction is something that may or may not have to do with you. You may never deny your husband. You may rock his world in the bedroom, so this may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. But it may have to do with you if you been routinely denying your husband sexually. Am I saying it is right for your husband to have an affair because you were denying him? The Bible does not allow sex outside of marriage under any conditions.
For some men their sex drive is so strong — that they will still have sex with a critical woman just to get the physical release they need, but for others with weaker libidos they will redirect their sexual energy into other areas.
Men are visual creatures — we are designed this way by God. Now most men can handle the natural aging process women go through with their breasts sagging and them getting love handles and bellies.
Our bodies change with age and the majority of men accept these realities. But there are extremes on this issue on both sides. Some men are constantly prompting their wives to get cosmetic surgeries in an attempt for their bodies to continue to look like that of a twenty year old and that is ridiculous. Let me just speak truth into your lives ladies — while there are a few men that will find obese woman attractive, the vast majority of men will not. Contrary to what some blogs teach — Beauty does have a weight limit!
Some men will still have sex with their wives being vastly overweight but it is no longer fueled by their sexual attraction to their wife, but it is only fueled by their need for a release. Often these men will make sure the lights are turned off before proceeding. I know this is tough to hear — but it is the truth.
They are right — there is not a specific passage that says a wife must keep herself beautiful for her husband. BUT there are principles of Scripture that would require a wife to keep herself beautiful for her husband. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. That includes in the areas of sexuality and beauty.
If your husband wants you to dress a certain way as long as it is appropriate to the occasion then you should do as you husband asks. You used to deny him sexually This happens a lot to Christian wives. Early in your marriage you never denied your husband and you enjoyed sex together.
Then the kids came along. You had years of pregnancies, raising kids and getting them off to school. Now you can finally breathe! How can he be so selfish?
Eventually he determined that you simply did not care about his needs but simply saw him as a paycheck and helper with the kids. Now after years of sexual denial you have decided you are ready to have sex! Well he is done. Some men might come back from this, while others will need counseling to get their minds straightened out about this.
He may have a lot of unresolved bitterness that he needs to give to the Lord before he will be able to sexually desire you again. Questions for Wives As a Christian wife you need to ask yourself these questions: Have I given up after a few attempts or many attempts? The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: But what if he is not denying you but simply not pursuing you?
Obviously as Christians we ought to coming to the Lord daily in prayer, to both offer our thanks to him as well as our petitions. I do believe that a husband should lead his wife in all areas, and that includes in the area of sexuality.
So he should be doing at least some sexual initiating and should not be leaving all sexual initiation to his wife.