I am married to a fantastic woman who loves me and whom I love. We have been married for 15 years and neither of of us has ever had intercourse with anyone else. My wife understands the necessity of sex, and so frequency is okay, but it is way more functional than sensual. Mirroring would be me laying there keeping my hands to myself. I was reading this from Tallulah: Kissing is a great way to open her up that activates her on all levels.
My wife despises making out. Trying to kiss her only upsets her and causes her to pull away. This stonewall in regard to kissing is worse in the realm of oral as you can imagine—receives it about 4x a year I brought her to orgasm 2x that way and has offered about 30 seconds of it to me 2x in 15 yrs.
I have never been able to get her to talk about it. I know she was never abused, or anything like that. I am by far the more romantic of the two of us. If there are candles, I light them. I put on the music. I turn on the heat when the room is cold.
I give her back massages and foot massages all the time. I hold doors for her, I put my arm around her in public and in private every day. I enter the shower when she is in it, never the other way around.
She rarely puts her arm around me first—thankfully she at least holds my hand—as long as I reach for her hand first. Unless I beg repeatedly she rarely puts on lingerie—and I tell her every time how beautiful she looks in it. I put the kids to bed so she can get ready for bed herself. Nothing I have read so far is significantly different than what I have been trying for 15 years. Bryan Bryan, I have a few ideas for you. One thing I sense is that all your romantic effort has potentially emasculated you.
You will kiss her sweet little behind, do all the romantic stuff and still, she has what on the surface seems like a very insulting behavior of stonewalling you to keep you in your place. Help her open her mind to the passion that she deserves and can thrill to.
But before we get to technique, we have to find out what the heck is running through her mind. You cannot any longer allow her to masturbate you with her body. You both deserve passion and sensual pleasure. You may need to put an end to the sex you are having now until you can get her to reckon with you. Stop having sex with her right after you do the Relationship Values Workbook together.
This will get her warmed up and talking to you about things other than sex. Sit there as long as you need to. Get some food laid in. Hunker down until she submits. You have been too easy. Do NOT give her an out.
If you have to sit there all night, into the next day, do it. Find the time, in the next 5 days, to make this happen. What are your beliefs about sex?
How would you rate or typify our sex life? Whose sex life do you admire? Are there any friends, television or movie characters or other known couples who have a sex life you could see yourself enjoying? What is your favorite part of our sex life? What is the most troubling part of our sex life? I want kissing, passion, sensuality, responsiveness, affection, initiation… what is it going to take for you to step up and be willing to go on a journey with me to find this together?
Do you have any fears about sex? Do you have any regrets about sex? Regrets about our sex life? If it was a perfect world for YOU, without regard to my feelings or needs, what would your sex life be like? Is there any kind of sexual pleasuring you want that you have not experienced? What is your definition of great sex? What turns you on? What are your favorite activities? What kind of foreplay would you most like and how often?
Are there any special places you like to be touched? What is your most memorable sexual experience? Has your sexuality changed over the years and if so, how? Have I ever done things that make you uncomfortable or turned you off? When was your last orgasm and how was it?
What is your favorite sexual position? Do not be afraid to upset her. She is a grown woman. Do not be afraid to ask for clarification and her beliefs. She is your wife. She is your life partner. You both deserve a heart to heart discussion. Stone walling is NOT an option right now. We need to find out what is in her head before we can take you to the next level. With Love, Download this free eBook to learn how to sex talk with your wife.