I have a year-end confession to make: When I was a kid, going strictly by what the talking heads on the teevee said, I fully expected the s to be awesome, full of glorious futuristic things like conveyor-belt sidewalks, aircars, jetpacks, mood lipstick, and oh yeah, world peace.
None of those things they promised us ever materialized. Starting with that stupid Y2K hysteria which I will never let the conspiracy freaks live down and ending with Doesn't it feel good to put the Worst Decade Ever behind you? Don't worry, it will And if you need to blame anyone for making that last decade so goddamn fucking awful, I've got the list of prime suspects right here. Feel free to construct your voodoo dollies accordingly, and be sure to buy plenty of pins. And pitchforks, tar and feathers.
Here they are, in no particular order: Oh, where to start with El Narco? The ironies are layered thick and deep with this one. He bombed Ecuador and repeatedly ordered illegal cross-border raids on Venezuela, then screamed that they were attacking him. He's on the State Dept. He's well known for his repressive measures called, ironically, Democratic Security , and his links to right-wing narcoterrorist death squads and paramilitaries are no secret in the region, yet he was also the State Dept.
He even had spies in Europe! Alas, he was an epic fail on all fronts. Colombia is still as drug-and-crime-ridden as ever, the FARC and ELN are still there, and oh yeah--it's not a real democracy either, because all leftist parties have been ruthlessly extirpated, thus eliminating an entire spectrum of valid voter choices.
If you're a Colombian, you get to choose between conservative, ultra-conservative, and flat-out fascist, with heavy pressure to go for the latter. Even now, after he's left office, El Narco is still fucking Colombia over like there's no tomorrow. But hey, at least Spain is pressing charges against him.
For all the good it may do them. He is a psychopath, and there is little doubt in my mind that he will manage to get away, literally, with murder. His nickname in Ecuador is "Sucio", meaning "dirty". And yes, he earned it. By running as a leftist, and reigning as a rightist. He directly contradicted his key campaign promises, ran up odious debts which El Ecuadorable, Rafael Correa, has been working hard and often successfully to nullify , and just generally was a corrupt, toadying, pro-imperial little piece of shit.
He was run out of office , not surprisingly, by ordinary Ecuadorians who were simply furious at him; he's been unpopular ever since. And never was that more evident than during the September 30 coup attempt against El Ec , when Sucio lost no time in getting in front of the cameras and blaming the victim. Funnily enough, he showed up with right-wing ex-Cuban CIA operatives in tow.
What was most hilarious was his denial that a coup attempt occurred. Funny, but the president's armored car has pockmarks from at least four high-calibre bullets that were fired at it after his loyal army troops finally freed him from the hospital where the police were keeping him prisoner! Next, I suppose, Sucio will try to convince the world that Rafael Correa isn't really president, and that he still is.
Dissociated doesn't begin to describe this filthy rat. His nickname is "Gorilletti", an allusion to the military dictatorships of the far right that have plagued Latin America for as long as the region has been speaking Spanish, more or less.
And for those who claim Gorilletti isn't a military dictator, wise the fuck up. He could not have gotten into power--or shovelled the last democratic president of Honduras out of it--without the help of the crooked, fascist Honduran military. Thanks to him, Honduras is a banana republic once more , with everything that that term implies: It's an ideal environment for Yankee crapitalism and local oligarchs, but for everything and everybody else, it's a fucking nightmare.
And the sham election of Pepe Lobo hasn't done a thing to improve the situation. It's still going on, and it's now such that even he, who relied on dictatorship to get himself elected , is feeling the pain.
Hey Pepe, welcome to the new, improved, "free" Honduras You're not really in charge there. Gorilletti and his goon squads-o-death are. Get used to it. He wasn't elected head of state for Israel; I'm really not sure what he was elected to, other than maybe a parliamentary seat. But somehow he's managed to hijack the entire Knesset and lurch it hard to starboard. He's also managed to make one hell of an ass of himself wherever he goes, dishing up ignorant pronouncements on anyone who's smart enough to see through him.
He's particularly asinine about Latin America--coincidentally, the very place where people are most likely to mistrust Israel for sending torturers and spooks to terrorize the region and meddle overtly in its politics. Now he has the chutzpah to say the Palestinian Authority is "illegitimate". Yeah, we saw that one coming! The only advice I can give to anyone perplexed by this putzy little man is to take whatever he says and rotate it degrees; and if he slams another person, just take it to be a projection of the crawly maggotry that's forever festering inside of him.
It's the only way his words could ever be said to make sense. It is the essence of what's wrong in the US, kiddies Totally racist, totally dissociated Or the irony of their own positions. Their notion of "liberty" is based on the enslavement of the nation's majorities, which, ironically, happen to include the vast majority of voters, regardless of party affiliations. The diabolical genius of the whole tea-tard thing is how this astroturf "movement" has suckered millions into voting directly against their own interests.
The queen bee of the tea-tards. Two years ago, I thought for sure that she would fade back into deserved obscurity when she lost John McCain his chance at the White House.
Unfortunately, she has yet to do so. In fact, all the signs point to another, and even bigger, Epic Fail in the year the Mayan calendar is supposed to run down, by some weird coincidence. She's "written" two crappy books, made up a whole new vocabulary of stupid, dragged her daughter onto one of the tackiest glorified game shows on TV, and generally done whatever it takes to keep her own profile high.
She's even tried to hijack feminism while actually practising the opposite , to the point where an overwhelming majority of women can't fucking stand her anymore. If she died tomorrow, I'd fully expect her to sit up in her coffin the next day and start screeching a whole new load of horseshit, in an attempt to stay "relevant" even while dead.
So, even though she only blipped onto the world's radar in the last two years of the decade, she qualifies most thoroughly as a dickweed, n'est-ce pas? Lest anyone think that conservatives have a complete monopoly on dickweedery, I offer you this "liberal" DINO.
Not content to help Gorilletti and his thugs whitewash their brutal coup in Honduras in '09, now he's helping a thug in Africa's Ivory Coast retain his power. The common denominator is thuggery. Lanny Davis loves it. He battens on it. His wallet fattens on it. And, like Screech Palin, Davis may only have blipped my radar in the last two years, but he's more than justified his presence on this list by being such a fucking asshole. There's so much wrong with this one, and it goes so far back. Way beyond the past decade, in fact.
He was in the Hitler Youth , and claims he couldn't get out? Hell, that's a lie. All he had to do, if he were really opposed, was not show up. My dad played hooky from it, no problem. What were they going to do, arrest a year-old? Line him up in front of a firing squad? Even the Nazis didn't go there; they needed all the warm bodies they could get. And Ratzi is older than my old man; age of reason, you know. So I'm going to go way out on a limb and assume that Ratzi was, in fact, reasonably convinced--enough to go along, regardless of the Vatican's hilarious early attempts to deny the obvious: Yes, that's him, in altar-boy gear, giving the Nazi salute.
But what's worst about this one, worse even than the HJ affiliation, is the fact that he was instrumental in covering up child-sex-abuse scandals at the highest levels of the Vatican. And by the sounds of things, he still is. Let's blame those swinging '70s. After all, we know pedophilia wasn't invented before then, and certainly not rampant among priests since time immemorial! Not content merely to wreck Latin America one economy at a time, now it's trying to do the same up here.
Oh wait, I know what to do: How about scrapping the IMF, and going back to the "bad" old days of, you know, Canadian protectionism? Funny, because it's working kind of well for Latin Americans to chuck them out and the World Bank, too and use homegrown solutions for their economic problems instead of bad prescription medicine from Bretton Woods!
But there's one person up here whom I would NEVER trust further than I could kick his ass on a muddy day when it comes to homegrown solutions, and it is What makes him a dickweed? We could be up all night if I had to list all the traits. But off the top of my head, here are the ones that blipped my dickweed-radar the most: Promising to give us an elected senate. Hasn't happened yet; he's packed it with 38 Tory appointees to date.